Dumb Smart Girls, or how to guarantee you’ll remain single…

… I know it may seem silly, a single woman giving other women relationship advice especially when I have no real serious prospect in sight myself, but believe it or not I have amassed a wealth of knowledge on the subject with the source being my own follies. I wonder if I should start a new blog series entitled “What Not To Do”.

I am a reformed Dumb Smart Girl who is prone to relapse when I exceed the recommended quantities of Gin and Vodka. What’s a Dumb Smart Girl? I will let Mrs. Seraphic answer this, using her own words

Among the general sisterhood of smart girls, there are Dumb Smart Girls and there are Smart Smart Girls.

Dumb Smart Girls use the same tactics they have always used to impress teachers and professors to impress potential suitors, even when these tactics have never worked on potential suitors before.

Dumb Smart Girls talk too much. They talk and talk and talk and joke and banter and one-up men’s jokes and get high on their own cleverness.

Dumb Smart Girls don’t like other women because “women are boring and talk about dumb stuff like clothes and hair and recipes.” At parties they talk only to men, even if all the other women are in the kitchen. It’s like they’re honorary men. How attractive! [I've written about this before, women disliking other women. It's a common ploy to make it appear they are somehow more interesting to be around then other women, and it never works.]

Dumb Smart Girls show off how much they know.

Dumb Smart Girls prefer to believe that all attractive men prefer brains to looks and prefer to think of women as their intellectual equals, if not their intellectual superiors.

Dumb Smart Girls get drunk at parties and reveal what they know about men.

Of course no one is advocating that women play the dumb card in order to gain a man’s interest. For the same reasons that braggart Dumb Smart Girls are unattractive, the truly dumb girl is equally unappealing. It’s a matter of intelligent women using subtlety. For the same reason women are turned off by a man who immediately begins talking about how much money he has and the type of car he drives, men are equally repelled by women who start going on and on right away about how witty and smart they are.

Whether it’s a fair stereotype or not, there exists the idea that women can be sharp-tongued and verbally cruel. And yes, some women can be that way. And so can some men. However, it’s a well documented fact that women are more verbal then men. Where men physically bully, women use words to mentally destroy their foes. With that in mind, many men can view an intelligent women like a lady with a well stocked arsenal. She’s always packing a loaded piece. Men want to be reassured that she won’t turn that gun on them in moments of disagreement or anger. The best way for a woman to gain a man’s confidence is to listen, ponder and asked intelligent questions, not dominate the conversation and mentally spar with her date. It’s a date not a high school debate club.

A Dumb Smart Girl is usually the loudest girl in the room because she thinks everyone wants or needs to hear what she has to say. They can quickly become the center of attention, but not in a good way. She won’t get a second date because the gentleman is already sorry he brought her on the first one.

Going back to Seraphic’s post, a few men left comments saying they liked Dumb Smart Girls. I think this is an excellent example of men saying one thing but really meaning another. I typically don’t judge men and women by what they say, more so by what they do. Yes, many men love a feisty woman that they can intelligently banter back and forth with. However, these are not the women they typically end up with for the long term.

Here’s the thing, that intelligent banter can create a false sense of sexual tension that can be exciting at first but ultimately deceptive. It can lead a woman to think she is making gains for the man’s favor but in the long run, that sexual tension peters out unless there is something else more substantial for the relationship to grow on.

Even the most combative of my male friends ended up marrying a wonderful woman who is the quietest gal in the lot. She is also the most well read. No one doubts she in fiercely bright; however, besides her intelligence she is also very charming, kind, patient, and the most gracious host. It would appear to be a simple case of opposites attracting but to ask him he’d simply say she is a wonderful woman whose made his life so much better. After a long day at work he looks forward to coming home to her, she gets along with all his colleagues and family members, and she’s kind. She doesn’t wield her intelligence like a weapon to demean and belittle or show off. This female friend of mine is an excellent role model for young ladies and single women… and especially for domineering women who feel they have something to prove.

My next post will be on the importance of cultivating positive female role models, but for now a great place to start is Dorothy Cummings blog, Seraphic Singles.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Robert_H

    The quality or state of being subtle.
    A subtle distinction, feature, or argument.

    Sorry but my inner spell checker doesn’t have an off switch.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      Thanks for that catch. 

  • robertgwirth

    Good stuff there, Kat, and many thanks!
    Fortunately or Un- (I’m not at all sure which) I hardly understood any of it (which is okay), so you might understand that I knew absolutely nothing, zip, zilch, in 1960 when I was allowed to start dating.
    I didn’t even have my own woolly mammoth to ride until I was 26, had to use the family’s.  Chiseling love letters (I ♥ U) on stones was quite a chore, but easy compared to carrying the letters over to the caves on the next mountain, dodging the pterodactyls and saber-toothed tigers all the way.
    So I didn’t have to try to remain single.  It just happened.

  • Robert

    Yes, many men love a feisty woman that they can intelligently banter back and forth with.

    The operative word here is “can”, rather than “have to”. I would be most pleased to spend the long term with such a feisty gal, so long as intellectual banter and debate was just one among many forms of communication.

    I have to take my share of responsibility for this in my interactions with women. It’s easy for me to retreat into intellectual humor and debate when I feel anxious or when I’m afraid of looking foolish myself. So I sometimes have trouble showing women other sides of my personality, meanwhile challenging them to show their “intellectual chops.”

  • Elizabeth Gill

    After reading something like this, I am left wondering if any one woman ever fits into such boxed personalities presented. Granted, I fully realize that life (and blogs) sometimes require generalizations, but honestly? So I can never challenge my mate to any intelligent banter without making him run for the hills? I get that you shouldn’t really be a Scarlett O’Hara, but you do see how just obnoxious she is….surely there aren’t any women who are truly like that?

    I don’t know….women do frustrate me so. Either way, good piece, lots to think about.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat Katrina Fernandez

      “So I can never challenge my mate to any intelligent banter without making him run for the hills?”
      I don’t believe that is what I wrote. Nor that is what Seraphic wrote. We are both advocating subtlety. 

      • Seraphic

        And I wasn’t talking husbands.  

  • Katie O’Keefe

    I have to say, I disagree (though I must admit, I did not read Seraphic’s post – only yours).  
    I have been married for 20 years and I fit your description of the Dumb Smart Girl to a “T”…and always have.  I guess I’m lucky to have found a man who’s willing to put up with my crap (that’s what one of my priest friends tells me, anyway – and he’s usually right).  
    Through the years, we have shared debates that have helped us each to grow in our faith and understanding of the world.  This has been vital to the development of our family life.  In fact, my daughter commented recently that we have the most amazingly deep conversations at dinner.  It’s always something important and she says she always takes away something she can use.I wouldn’t say enjoying the company of men is a case of not liking women.  I have lots of girlfriends with whom I spend time talking, shopping, and eating chocolate.  I simply prefer the conversations that men are having sometimes to the conversations that the women are having.   And sometimes what the men have to say is not of interest to me and I go hang out with the women.With all due respect, I think that I prefer to think of myself as “well-rounded” and not “dumb”.