… I’m on a superiority complex high right now having ventured out into the wilderness and chopped down my own Christmas tree. Can you believe it; I used a hand saw and no one bled to death. Then I lifted the tree over my head in triumph and grunted loudly in satisfaction. I resisted the urge to “spike” the tree when we got to the car. It was very primal and quite impressive.
I feel this experience gives me license to mock your fake plastic Christmas trees and pine scented candles as an unholy abomination that makes Baby Jesus sob.