Fake Christmas Trees Unholy…

… I’m on a superiority complex high right now having ventured out into the wilderness and chopped down my own Christmas tree. Can you believe it; I used a hand saw and no one bled to death. Then I lifted the tree over my head in triumph and grunted loudly in satisfaction. I resisted the urge to “spike” the tree when we got to the car. It was very primal and quite impressive.

I feel this experience gives me license to mock your fake plastic Christmas trees and pine scented candles as an unholy abomination that makes Baby Jesus sob.

Live trees may or may not contain small woodland creatures.

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • David L Alexander

    Hey, mommy, let’s have possum for Christmas dinner! YUM!!!

  • Cordelia

    That’s one item ticked off the Survival Skills Checklist for sure! You’re living so primal… And what a nice, bushy tree it is! Our ‘wild caught’ doug firs around here are always Charlie Browns: we’re impressed if there are a few patches where we *can’t* see straight through them. But they have that nice Christmasy fir-smell in abundance!

  • Bernadette Durbin

    Go ahead and mock my plastic tree (no candles, though). I’ll rest easy in the knowledge that I’m not sending my husband into the emergency room with anaphylactic shock.

    Though I *was* on the roof with a chainsaw on a pole this last Sunday, downing some branches that extended past the fenceline, since our neighbor was replacing the fence and it wasn’t in the way for a few useful hours. You have your moment of power; I had mine. :D

  • Guest

    Haha, good for you! My family has always had a real tree, though, due to a family member with a fragile immune system, we’ve had to go faux this year. I hope Baby Jesus will forgive us. :)

  • Micaela @ California to Korea

    I miss Christmas trees so much. We used to cut our own down every year. Now I live in South Korea and they are impossible to find here. Last year I threatened to go into the hills outside of town to cut my own down until I learned they are protected and I would go to jail for it. So, fake tree it is. Annoyingly, the one thing that might make it worthwhile is the fact that (one would assume) they don’t lose needles. Not true. I sweep up plastic pine needles daily. Argh! Enjoy your tree!


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