Suggested Programming For EWTN …

… Speaking of not liking things we are supposed to like just because they are Catholic (like Popes), let’s talk about EWTN. Sam Rocha hates EWTN. As do I. I adore Mother Angelica and the rosary. The televised mass is a delight. The rest of the programming; however, is a bit droll. It’s too serious. Seriously Catholic. So Catholic. Overly serious.

*Yawn*

Catholics are a riot. We drink, we laugh, we have van loads of babies and every feast day is a mini party. Catholics are lovers of life and connoisseurs of beauty. We need to be showing the world that side of Catholicism. The joyous every day side of the faith and Her very real and relatable followers.

So what’s with all the seriousness? How about a reality series following around large Catholic families? People were fascinated with the Duggars but Catholics are the hispters of the big family. I recommend Simcha Fisher and Clan Donaldson for the job. Comedy gold right there, folks.

Might I also suggest a show called What Not To Wear To Mass hosted by Hallie Lord. She can take your trashy teenage daughter and slovenly son for a wardrobe intervention. If you run into copyright issues with the phrase “What Not To Wear”, I think Yaweh or the Highway has a nice sound to it.

Or even better, at Matthew Alderman‘s suggestion, a clerical version entitled “How Not to Vest,” where a wisecracking deacon and nun throw out Fr. Polyester’s hideous chasubles?

OOoooo. And a Catholic redecorating show. Where a team of decorators goes into the home of a new convert and adds the obligatory, yet tasteful (or not), Catholic tchotkes. Projects could also include building a family altar or Prie-dieu. Dwija would be perfect for the job!

Image source.

How about a gardening show, called Mary’s Garden. Where the host turns your ugly yard into a lovely garden accentuated with statues while providing educational background and the spiritual significance of various flowers. Terry Nelson was made for a show like that.

And why hasn’t this been done yet… a Catholic home brewing show? Or a show touring monastery breweries and vineyards. Visit local pubs owned and operated by Catholics. I’m sure you could twist the Catholic Drinkie’s arm to host a show like this.

How about a travel show visiting parishes as they celebrate their patron’s day with parties and processions. A cultural guide to Catholic parties, if you will. I’ll gladly host that show.

Just give us something more entertaining and representative of our faith than series after series of guest speakers sitting around a coffee table. And stop with the poorly produced, cheesy movies. Every time there is a low budget production on the life a saint an angel loses it’s wings and a kitten dies.

EWTN… there I fixed it.

Related: Holy Whapping Television Network