Crazy Is An Understatement…

… This post is going to be all over the place, kind of like my day has been. Plus it’s Friday. My apologies.

Here’s a little secret. I’m not the best, most pious Catholic in the world; I only play one of the internet.

So I was reading that the USCCB decided to make today a day of prayer and fasting to end porn. And I immediately thought, well shit, the Pope wants us to fast tomorrow. Fast for two days?! I’d die! I’ll waste away and die! Next thing you know I’ll be advocating for Ascension Thursday Sunday. #badCatholic

Then my dear sweet friend, that talented photographer and excellent mixer of drinks goddess of the generous pour, reminded me that there’s a devotion called First Fridays. On top of that is First Saturdays, which is incidentally today and tomorrow. Good Lawd, all that piety. It burns. #patheticCatholic

So you better get your holy on, folks.

Ok… I just wanted an excuse to use an Oprah gif. I did that special for Terry because I know how much he adores her.

Speaking of excuses. You wanna know how my day started and ended? It started with this exchange…

Back story – rent is due on the 1st of each month, late after the 5th. Today is the 6th so the rent is late. And you know it’s late. Stop trying to act all coy and innocent. Yeah.

Tenant: Here’s my rent. I was going to drop my money order in the drop slot last night but I got tied up late at work and was too tired to drive over. I had the rent last night. I’m sorry. Can you waive the late fee?

Me: Well, let me see. (looks at money order) Hmmmm. It looks like the date the money order was printed on was today. So you just lied to my face.

Tenant: Ha ha. Well… yeah. You know.

ME: No I don’t know. (hands back rent) Come back when you have the additional late fee, please.

Tenant: That’s just wrong! It’s only a day!

ME: No m’am. It’s the lying that’s what is wrong here.

Tenant: I’m gonna call your boss and have you fired for refusing to take my rent. Ooooo. And you’re a racist! (slams door and leaves in an indignant huff)

Now ask me how my day ended. Go ahead. Ask.

It ended in a high speed chase outside my office.

And offices were on lock down and roads were blocked while cops scaled the roof of a grocery store across the street looking for a murderer (because I am a magnet for all types of delinquencies) and helicopters buzzed overhead. Then Nate Stewart was out front reporting live and interviewing bystanders so I thought… here’s my chance! Internet fame, here I come.

Only I don’t look “eye witness on the street crazy” enough for the news.

Sigh. No one recognizes greatness. Alas, my brush with stardom will just have to wait. The world is not ready. Oh well. It’s Friday, the end of the work week so … Viva la weekend!

About Katrina Fernandez

Mackerel Snapping Papist

  • Michael Bowes

    LOL! I love how it all ended with a police chase.. I was hoping it was the racist lady who stormed out of your office. I hate … with a passion … when people USE the race card. One of my top pet peeves.

    • Nan

      She’s rules-ist, not racist.

  • AMoniqueOcampo

    Ugh. I wish I could bring you to Texas. We’ve got St. Arnold’s here. Or do you prefer something stronger than beer?

  • Stephen Lowe

    Wow and there were no critters involved in this craziness. Bring back the halcyon days of the cukibarra or whatever it was.

  • Eugene Edward Yeo

    May be time for a Concealed Carry class and a pistol permit.

    • Katrina Fernandez

      Agreed. Things are steadily getting crazier and crazier.

  • BTP

    At least it wasn’t you leading police on a high-speed chase. Some days…

  • tj.nelson

    I’ve been offline – 3 days darkness- this post is like a ray of sunshine. Oprah’s tears are real hon – she been thru it. BTW – I fasted yesterday just like Karen Walker in the last gif – nothing but liquids, as usual.

    • Digital Hairshirt

      Hey . . . I went to Confession.

  • Kristen inDallas

    “Tenant: That’s just wrong! It’s only a day!” Me: No actually it’s 5 days. Rent is due on the first. We already gave you a 4 day grace-period, wasn’t that kind?