Crazy Is An Understatement…

… This post is going to be all over the place, kind of like my day has been. Plus it’s Friday. My apologies.

Here’s a little secret. I’m not the best, most pious Catholic in the world; I only play one of the internet.

So I was reading that the USCCB decided to make today a day of prayer and fasting to end porn. And I immediately thought, well shit, the Pope wants us to fast tomorrow. Fast for two days?! I’d die! I’ll waste away and die! Next thing you know I’ll be advocating for Ascension Thursday Sunday. #badCatholic

Then my dear sweet friend, that talented photographer and excellent mixer of drinks goddess of the generous pour, reminded me that there’s a devotion called First Fridays. On top of that is First Saturdays, which is incidentally today and tomorrow. Good Lawd, all that piety. It burns. #patheticCatholic

So you better get your holy on, folks.

Ok… I just wanted an excuse to use an Oprah gif. I did that special for Terry because I know how much he adores her.

Speaking of excuses. You wanna know how my day started and ended? It started with this exchange…

Back story – rent is due on the 1st of each month, late after the 5th. Today is the 6th so the rent is late. And you know it’s late. Stop trying to act all coy and innocent. Yeah.

Tenant: Here’s my rent. I was going to drop my money order in the drop slot last night but I got tied up late at work and was too tired to drive over. I had the rent last night. I’m sorry. Can you waive the late fee?

Me: Well, let me see. (looks at money order) Hmmmm. It looks like the date the money order was printed on was today. So you just lied to my face.

Tenant: Ha ha. Well… yeah. You know.

ME: No I don’t know. (hands back rent) Come back when you have the additional late fee, please.

Tenant: That’s just wrong! It’s only a day!

ME: No m’am. It’s the lying that’s what is wrong here.

Tenant: I’m gonna call your boss and have you fired for refusing to take my rent. Ooooo. And you’re a racist! (slams door and leaves in an indignant huff)

Now ask me how my day ended. Go ahead. Ask.

It ended in a high speed chase outside my office.

And offices were on lock down and roads were blocked while cops scaled the roof of a grocery store across the street looking for a murderer (because I am a magnet for all types of delinquencies) and helicopters buzzed overhead. Then Nate Stewart was out front reporting live and interviewing bystanders so I thought… here’s my chance! Internet fame, here I come.

Only I don’t look “eye witness on the street crazy” enough for the news.

Sigh. No one recognizes greatness. Alas, my brush with stardom will just have to wait. The world is not ready. Oh well. It’s Friday, the end of the work week so … Viva la weekend!