The Crescat

… Ah, Mother’s Day. Not my favorite of favorite holidays but it’s gotten better. In all fairness the holiday never stood a chance with me. Growing up, my relationship with my mom was strained. So strike one for Mother’s Day.

Then my first ever Mother’s Day as a new mom I mourned the loss of my infant son. Strike two. I went to mass alone and left in tears when the priest asked all the mother’s in the congregation to stand up and receive a special blessing. Note to all you priests out there reading this, for the love of all that’s holy, be sensitive to the women who have suffered the pain of burying their children. No extra blessings at mass, please. For anyone. It’s redundant. You already bless everyone at the end of the mass, and we bless ourselves coming in and out of the church. Not to mention all the grace and blessings received from the Eucharist. We are practically oozing blessings by the time mass has ended. Enough already. No need to make the poor women who can’t have kids feel inadequate either. Sheesh.

Oh, where was I? Yes, Mother’s Day. A got quite a bit of positive responses regarding my advice for men on surviving Valentine’s Day and many of you have written me asking what I recommend for making Mother’s Day extra special. That’s sweet you care so much. I wish I could help you more but my advice is the same. Go with homemade cards and gifts.

Really all women want is a little effort. We like homemade stuff because it’s proof that it wasn’t last minute. How else are we to know if you bought that card last week or this morning at the gas station while you conveniently let us sleep in? If you make it we know you invested a little time and effort. I know how much men hate arts and crafts, I have a son. That’s the whole point why homemade is so special and makes us melt…

You did something for us that required thought and planning and you hated every lousy minute of it but you love us so much that it worth the misery. And we love for it.

I have no idea what the hell I'm doing

It’s not that we enjoy seeing you miserable and suffering. Honestly, I swear. OK, maybe it’s a little funny watching you change diapers while trying not to vomit. We just like to see our men doing the things we think they never notice us doing; like fixing meals, cleaning the house, and caring for children. These acts [all free and 100% more awesome than anything you can buy in a store] say you recognize the hard work we do, understand it isn’t easy, and don’t take us for granted.

Mother’s Day is just about making mother’s feel appreciated. That’s really all we want. I can’t tell you specifically how to make your wife and mom feel appreciated, chances are you already know what to do. You know her best. I can only speak in generalities. What I will do is give you some basic ideas to start with and from there it’s up to you to personalize them.

My Foolproof Guaranteed To Not Leave You Sleeping On The Couch Advice For Husbands:

1- Fix your wife’s favorite foods. Enlist the kids help. If you know what’s good for you, clean up after yourselves or there’ll be hell to pay.
2- Clean the house & do the laundry.. but only if you know how to clean the house and do laundry. Happy Mother’s Day! I shrank your silk blouse in the dryer.
3- Wash her car. Take it to Auto-Bell, whatever, just get the juice stains off the upholstery and the gum out the CD player.
4- Call her single best friend, if she doesn’t already have plans with her own mother, and arrange a surprise outing where she can go to the movies or salon. Or drinking.
5- Take the kids out of the house so she can relax and drink wine in every room of the house. What? Don’t judge.
6- And later at the end of the day when the kids are asleep… bow chicka wow wow. What’s that? After all the cooking and cleaning and policing of small children you don’t have any energy left for sexy time?

My Super Awesome Advice For Sons So They Don’t End Up Being Disowned or Grounded:

1- See advice 1, 2, and 3 for Husbands.
2- Pick the one chore you hate the most and do it without being asked or complaining.
3- Adult sons, especially if you make a point of seeing your mothers only during holidays, shame on you! Stop what you doing right now and call that woman up and invite her over. Then promise to take her to church Sunday. Than make a promise to yourself to see your mother on a regular basis and call frequently. When she’s dead you’ll wish you had. And a hundred thousand curses of Catholic guilt on you!
4- Adult sons, the nice ones that call and visit their mommas, invite her to your home and make the evening special by cooking and renting a movie. Or go by her house and do a chore she’s not able. Cut the grass. Change the oil in her car. Clean the gutters.
5- Tell her you love her.

One more thing, for some general homemade gifts ideas that, if you start now, can be done in time for Mother’s Day heed my advice. I am about to be your new best friend. There is life beyond the coupon book. Don’t do the coupon again this year. Just don’t. Instead look at this website. Save this website. Women spend more hours at this one website than an Irishman at a bar. Make this website your new best friend for gooey sentimental gift ideas. You’re welcome.

Lastly, here is what you can do for me since I don’t have a husband and my sons too young to be trusted with the oven…

Pray the rosary for all the mother’s who have aborted their children. They are still mothers and need to be recognized this day too. For women suffering from post-abortive depression Mother’s Day can more painful than I can begin to describe. One whole rosary for them, please.

That’s all I ask. Thank you.