When it comes to our understanding of intimacy, we are too often one-dimensional. We lament the loss of passion. We idolize the beginnings. We hold onto past experience. For most of us, we only understand intimacy through the feeling of ecstasy. Sex. The butterflies of first kisses. The swoon of being pursued.
We falsely believe that intimacy is upholding the thrill of connection without break or change. So much divorce, division, confusion, anger, and separation occur because we do not understand how diverse intimacy can be.
The first way in which we experience intimacy is through feeling. Our emotions are indicators. They are like receptors that notify us of a change in atmosphere, in comparison to our previous experience and perceptions.
We are addicted to positive emotion because it gives us hope. It makes us feel accepted and loved and desired. Emotions are a valuable part of intimacy.
Not all emotions are positive. Intimate emotions are defined by honesty not positivity. Our relationships are often defined by the high we experience from a surge of emotion. And so, we try to hide when we feel scared or alone or dissatisfied, even from one we love dearly.
Intimacy is a sharing of emotions, but not a dependency on them. Our emotions are great friends but terrible masters. A proper understanding of the place of emotions frees us up to experience them in true and healthy intimacy.