PARISH REPORT: Parish Hires Football Coach To Be On-field Liturgical Coordinator

(AoftheANews) BATON ROUGE – Starting next Sunday, parishioners at St Suburban’s will notice an addition to the regular line-up normally seen in the sanctuary. Along with the priest, handful of altar servers, and lector will be the parish’s new on-the-field Liturgical Coordinator. It is believed that St Suburban is the first US parish to hire a full-time, on-the-field Liturgical Coordinator.

“We’re excited that former Louisiana State assistant coach Turk “Bubba” McBubberson has joined the staff at St Suburban,” Worship Committee chair Nick L. Bacht told AoftheA News. “His many years as Offensive Coach at several universities will certainly take our program to the next level. Wherever he’s coached, he’s brought passion, innovation, and a willingness to open up the playbook at any point during the game. The fans here at St Suburban have every reason to be excited about the upcoming season.”

McBubberson is looking forward to the opportunity, and he views his position very similar to what he’s done on the football field. “Well, it ain’t that different, really. I’ll make in-Mass adjustments as required, depending on what the congregation throws at us. For example, prior to the opening procession, we might have drawn up Eucharistic Prayer IV for the consecration. But if we’re gettin’ hammered out there, I might switch things up and call for Eucharistic Prayer II. I’ll try my best to not be a distraction, but if the lector flubs the Prayers of the Faithful, well, I might slam my clipboard in frustration. Can’t guarantee against that happening. The best I can do is have the team prepared to play hard, give 110%, and play til the end.”

McBubberson will be stationed on the side of the sanctuary during Mass, headset on to maintain constant contact with the priest. Other responsibilities will include altar server substitutions, EMHC alignments, calling time-outs, and directing the ushers.

“I’ve a long list of usher plays,” McBubberson said. “Three- and four-usher packages, some with ushers in the slot, a couple reverses, some play action. We’re gonna throw a whole lotta different looks, keep the congregation on their toes.

“And who knows – I might even toss in a Hail Mary to keep things excitin’.”

Image source: Westside Shooter [Creative Commons] via Wikimedia

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