Acts of the Apostasy
(AoftheANews) ROME – A report has been leaked from the Synod on the Family currently underway at the Vatican, that a group of “faithful bishops” has written a draft letter to Catholic bloggers – primarily from the West – asking them to “abandon blogging about the Synod before it is over rather than allow their postulations be viewed as reckless, and make outsiders believe all Catholic bloggers are out of their flipping minds.”
One faithful archbishop, speaking to AoftheA News on the condition of anonymity, said the final draft will be completed Saturday. “We’re fine-tuning some language. For instance, we’re considering changing ‘that all Catholic bloggers are out of their flipping minds’ to ‘that all Catholic bloggers are totally out of their flipping minds’. In addition, some feel a phrase like ‘suppositions bordering on faithlessness heretofore unseen’ could be more strongly worded, while others believe that ‘panic-mongering is an unforgivable sin against the Holy Spirit’ goes too far. We’re all of one mind, though, with keeping ‘praying, fasting, and making reparations for sin – along with strengthening one’s marriage and guiding one’s family in faith – is infinitely more efficacious than going on a full scale freak-out’ just as it is.
Precipitating this extraordinary outreach to the Catholic blogosphere has been the substantial outpouring of fear that the Synod on the Family will effectively destroy Church teaching and doctrines regarding the Sacrament of Marriage, divorce, recognition of same-sex ‘marriages’, acceptance of homosexual behavior, and the ordination of women deacons.
“We read the blogs,” the archbishop said, “and I have one thing to say to those with deep concerns: #BishopsGotThis. Worry, anxiety, suspicion – these are not fruits of the Holy Spirit. Fear of the Lord – yes. Fear of the Synod – no. The Holy Spirit isn’t on sabbatical, and while we appreciate their support, these bloggers really need to relax and let the process play out. Heck, we’ve been messing up the Church for centuries. One little synod won’t topple the whole thing over.
“Frankly, we’d rather they have a smidgen more faith in the Holy Spirit, and pray for us rather than tell us how to do our jobs. I’d console them with the words of St Pio – ‘Pray, hope, and don’t worry’ – but I think all they’d hear would be ‘Pray and worry’.”
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