Acts of the Apostasy
(AoftheANews) JACKSONVILLE – Fr Charl d’Nay, pastor of Our Lady of Wholesome Goodness, had witnessed countless weddings throughout his years as a priest, but none had been anything like the one he had officiated last Saturday.
Describing it as “miraculous”, d’Nay told AoftheA News that for the first time since becoming a parish priest, a bride agreed to every wedding guideline set forth in the parish’s handbook without arguing, complaining, or demanding she have her way with everything.
“It was miraculous,” he said, while holding open a door for workmen carrying a replacement stained glass window, to replace a section broken by an irate bride several weeks ago when she threw a candlestick through it because the offertory hymn wasn’t to her liking. “This girl came in with her fiance six months ago, picked the date, and stuck to the guidelines. It was beautiful.”
As a team of carpenters installed a new pew that had been drop-kicked two weeks ago by an angry bride because her bridesmaids weren’t allowed to read personal letters of love and support in place of the second reading, Fr d’Nay thanked God for the good upbringing last week’s bride had received.
“It goes to the parents,” he said, as three custodians scrubbed at blood stains on the gathering space carpet, left there from when a bride punched her photographer in the nose after her wedding last month, because he didn’t shoot photos from atop the altar as she had demanded. “They raised her right – that the wedding day really isn’t about her, but that she and her husband are entering marriage – a lifelong commitment – in the sight of God, and their families and friends. She was ever so humble.”
While a landscape company replaced sod and flowers that had been torn up by a bride’s limousine because she hadn’t been permitted to process into the Church to Katy Perry’s “Roar”, Fr d’Nay accepted the fact that this recent experience was an anomaly, and that the wedding scheduled for this Saturday would be back to normal. “I am so grateful God granted me this consolation, and I’ll recall it fondly next week while phoning a contractor to fix whatever it is the next bridezilla destroys.”
Image via Pixabay
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