D-Day: Defying Definition By Diagnoses Seven Years On

Bluebells in a wood — Hope helps you not be defined by your diagnoses Image: Adrian Warnock

Seven years ago today, I was diagnosed with a form of Blood Cancer that has tried to destroy my identity and define who I am. Today, on my personal D-Day, I can report I have been slowly learning to defy those definitions and cling onto hope. My identity is not merely a diseased and damaged individual. I am still in an ongoing battle to live beyond such labels, and it is far from easy.

The blood cancer diagnosis and several others that have followed all made a good attempt at defining my life. Sickness destroyed my career as I was no longer able to work and damaged so many relationships. This was partly because I didn’t always respond “well” to the challenges, at times I felt quite alone and was not always the easiest person to support.

This day seven years ago followed a dreadful 22 days of sickness wondering what was wrong. I had become unwell on 28 April with a nasty pneumonia that didn’t respond well to treatment and had been caused by the damage to my immune system that blood cancer had done. I had two diagnoses by this point but several more would follow later including Autonomic Dysfunction, and POTS. I am under around 15 different consultants and spend a lot of time dealing with my many health conditions.

I used to describe my illnesses as like a tsunami that destroyed everything in their path. And this destruction did make me question everything. My identity before sickness was caught up in what I did. I was a Human Doing not a Human Being. I was a doctor, a dad, a preacher, an author, part of a church leadership team. Even today I am severely limited in all those fields by the effect my diagnoses have on me, particularly by the severe fatigue which is a daily companion. Over the years I have had to realise that my identity and value lie in being a Human Being and not in being able to attempt to save the world!

In an article I wrote last year “Six Years On: Life After a Cancer Diagnosis,” I reflect on my story up to that point, and the numerous challenges I have faced, both emotionally and physically. I also explained how my faith itself was challenged and yet has been a cornerstone in coping with this illness, providing me with comfort and strength.

I am thankful that, whilst at times I felt totally alone, it wasn’t true. There have been faithful friends and family members who have walked this journey with me. And right now I am firmly planted in my new home, new church, and new marriage.

The fact I am still alive, and have not lost my faith, is testament to the grace of God and the comfort that comes from those who will stand with those who are suffering. I hope my life serves as an encouraging message to others facing similar battles, and that we will all understand that while diagnoses can be life-altering, they do not have to be life-defining.