As a transwoman, I had always wanted to enter into a romantic relationship with a lesbian. What I thought and the reality of it were two totally different things. Until I had my gender reassignment surgery on the New Moon last May 15th, it wasn’t going to happen. Every lesbian I had met prior to that didn’t want to be involved with me, except as a friend. You can read more about my surgery here.
On the New Moon this April I did my solitary New Moon Ritual welcoming into my life all that would be best for me. For many years I had really wanted to find a lesbian who I could be friends with and hike together with. And maybe even more. But I also had some very specific ideas of what I wanted in someone like that. Someone who, like me, loved nature, loved being outside, and especially loved to hike. She would have to be fit, a non-smoker, no drug use, age didn’t matter to me, and preferably pagan. And Hekate listened!
The day after the New Moon, I went on a hike with my LGBT Outdoor Meetup group that I’ve been a member of for quite some time. On this hike, only women were there. I had hiked with the leader of this hike many times, and knew one other woman. A short time after we started, a woman I had never met before was hiking alongside me. I will call her Anna. We were drawn to each other almost instantly. As we hiked along, we talked about both of us, where we had been hiking and stuff like that.
She sensed that I was a transwoman and wanted to know more about me. I told her about some of my journey to get to where I was now. I told her I had a blog called Between Two Worlds which was about my journey as a pagan transwoman. She asked when the hike was over if she could read my blog articles so I gave her that info. We exchanged phone numbers and e-mails and I told her about another group I was in called Girls Who Hike WI. There was a hike with that group the following week. We decided then we both would take the over 100 mile trip to hike with that group.
By the time we drove to the trailhead at a State Park neither of us had been to, she told me she had read almost every one of my blog articles. It was wonderful to meet such an amazing woman who was interested in me and didn’t care if I was a transwoman. To her I was just a woman, a lesbian like herself. She is younger than me, and didn’t seem to care if I was quite a bit older. We were able to communicate better than anyone I had ever met. And we had so much in common that it was remarkable. Except for one thing.
I believe in my heart that Hekate did put us together to share our life experiences for a reason. Even though it was only one lunar cycle. I had never really explored having a relationship with any woman that wasn’t based on appearances and lust before meeting Anna. I know that she wanted to know more about women like me, and I wanted to know more about women like her. I now look at all of that special lunar cycle as an incredible learning lesson given to me courtesy of Hekate.
Early on the Dark Moon this month I woke up with a song in my brain that just wouldn’t go away. It was a Grammy winning song from 1965 by Gail Garnett called “We’ll Sing In The Sunshine”. I had remembered almost all of the words, so I started singing it out on the trail. All of a sudden, my intuition kicked in that something wasn’t right, and that my time with Anna would be coming to an end. The way it had been going anyway. She hadn’t texted me or called me for a day or two which was pretty unusual, but I knew she was really beat and stressed out at work. It was Friday, so I knew she’d get in touch with me that evening. And she did.
I’ve written before that I release all of what doesn’t serve me on my personal Dark Moon Ritual. On the New Moon I welcome into my life all that will serve me better and will be best for me. Always with Hekate. Always. I wasn’t expecting that part of the release wouldn’t be from me. Part of the message from Anna was: “I’ve always been drawn to you (and with me vice versa) from the moment I met you, but I’m not feeling it romantically. I would still like to go on hikes with you once in awhile if you (me) are willing, but I’m afraid I’m cancelling for tomorrow. I’m sorry.” I will admit that at first it saddened me. But again, Hekate knew what was best for both of us.
I did my New Moon Ritual later that Friday night asking Hekate for guidance and support. One of Hekate’s epithets is Erototokos, bearer of love. I knew that even though what I thought would be wasn’t going to happen, I have absolute faith in Hekate. Before I went to sleep I messaged Anna back saying: “I can accept that, and I know I’d like to stay friends with you. I respect the way that you’ve always been totally honest and sincere with me. So please don’t be sorry, I have always appreciated your candor and honesty.” We will continue to be friends and yes, be outside in nature and hike together when it works for both of us.
What I learned from Hekate, and of course Anna, was that if I would be so fortunate to meet someone like Anna, I know that getting to know that woman really well before anything romantically would happen is my lesson well learned. Having patience and kindness in my heart, soul and spirit to take the time it will need to make it into a lasting relationship. Something truly special. And for that I will be forever grateful to both Hekate and Anna!
A few days ago I did tell my friend Mary about what had happened. I mentioned that I was no longer sad and used the “if I meet someone” with her. Mary replied to me, “Bri, it’s not if, it’s when!” So Mote It Be!!!
So until next time, in the future. Whatever the future holds in store for me!
Mighty Hekate, Queen of the Witches,
Blessed am I,
To call myself one of Your chosen.
(Above used with permission from Cyndi Brannen..with many thanks and love)