briefly: Check-In

I am exhausted. Exhausted in a good way, but definitely exhausted.

There were visits to awesome shops and restaurants, and I came back home to the hotel loaded with books. (And broke down on buying more journals. I’m bad, I know.)  I met some awesome people. I totally had a caffeine crash in the evening.

The apotheosis of the Dierne went really well. Nothing like feeling like you’re about to die on a roller coaster to bring Fear* into your life. There are pictures of the altar I put up for the apotheosis here. The Otherfaith virtual shrine has some goodies on it as well, along with an offering request area for the Dierne specifically.

The conversations I’ve had today left me with a lot to think about. I’m still deciding what I want to write on. I’m still unpacking some ideas.

I think I want to recapture that original fire I had when I first started working on the Otherfaith, one that looked at the problems I felt were in the community and tried to address them.

I have a stack of questions in my ask box I don’t want to answer, and even more in my inbox.

Sometimes I open a book and it just makes me happy without any effort.

Days like this make it easy to be grateful, and they remind me how absolutely bad I am at being grateful and kind most days. I’ve had a ‘crisis’ of faith before – mostly because one of my gods pushed at me until I had to accept what was rather that what was comfortable – but this isn’t that. This is just self-reflection, and when is that ever terribly fun?

I remember years ago asking myself what the one constant in my life had been. I remember saying ‘the gods’. I don’t think I really knew what that meant, back then. I’m not sure I exactly know what that means now, in all the ways one can know.

Seattle is at once grounding and exactly what I need – what I’ve always needed, what I’ve known I’ve needed even when people told me that I didn’t know anything – and also a trial. I feel tossed out to sea. I feel a little bit broken.

I worry admitting that will make people think I’m bad at this religion business.

Some days I wish someone else could teach me about the Four Gods and that I didn’t spend every free moment I have writing or journeying or processing, but instead just learning. Which I do learn, but sometimes I’m just confused.

Today was a good day.

(I can’t believe I bought more journals.)