The Babylon Bee Hires New Managing Editor

The Babylon Bee Hires New Managing Editor December 3, 2021

JUPITER, FL – The Babylon Bee, often described as the Christian version of The Onion, hired new managing editor John-Paul Matthews in hopes that they can finally learn how to create good satire.

“We were just getting tired of the same old jokes,” one columnist said, sipping from a red Starbucks cup with “John 3:16” hand-written in Sharpie. “We knew that we had to bring in someone with a real sense of Christian comedy.”

The hiring is not without controversy, however. Matthews, a devout Presbyterian, is alleged to have once attended a church who welcomed in gay people, and who even flew a rainbow flag during Pride Month.

“I just don’t know about this guy, to be honest,” admitted one editor. “First you befriend a gay person. Then the next thing you know, you’re sitting naked with the devil himself, drinking the blood of all the aborted babies you helped kill. Where does it stop?”

Others at the company were more excited to see some change. Mary Morris, long-time social media supervisor, and, ironically, a woman in leadership, had this to say, “Yeah, it’s refreshing to bring in someone like Matthews. I’ve grown a little tired of being openly bigoted and, if I can be perfectly honest, not that funny. You know when you see someone trying too hard? It gets a bit cringey. Matthews should help make us more relevant outside of our weird, little Reformed world.”

At the time of writing this, Matthews wasn’t available for comment, but did recently post this to his Twitter feed:

“Guess who’s the new managing editor at @TheBabylonBee? This guy! Time to put the comedy back in Christian comedy.”


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About Matthew J. Distefano
Matthew J. Distefano is the author of multiple books, a long-time social worker, hip-hop artist, and cohost of the wildly popular Heretic Happy Hour podcast. He lives in Northern California with his wife and daughter. You can read more about the author here.

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