Dallas, TX – Christian Cringefest, dubbed the Academy Awards of Christian “art,” held its yearly awards show in Dallas, Texas last month, and the big winners were The Babylon Bee, taking home 7 awards.
“It’s a major honor,” said Bee editor Kyle Mann, “we try our best to try too hard, always punching down when good satire punches up, and this year we’re finally getting rewarded for our work. We understand just how cringey our religion is, so to take home 7 major awards is quite an achievement, even for us. Next year, we hope to bring home at least 10 awards, so be ready for the Bee to really start trying too hard.”
In addition to top prizes like Douchiest TheoBro, Most Likely to Be a Closeted Gay, and the always coveted Self-Induced Victim Complex award, the Bee took home the brand new Cringiest Line of the Year prize.
The line that sealed the deal, which comes from the article “In Honor Of Pride Month Chick-Fil-A Waffle Fries Will Be Seasoned With Salt From Lot’s Wife,” reads as follows: “‘Wow! That IS salty. Man, I needed this reminder to flee from sexual sin,'” said Chick-fil-A patron Brenda Lovelace. “‘I don’t want to end up as a pillar of salt just like Lot’s wife!'”
After the show, we caught up with actual satirist, Miguel Alvarez, to ask about the award-winning piece. “This is what constitutes satire in Christian circles? Good grief! No wonder you have a yearly award show called Christian Cringefest. Hey, but at least they used an alliteration in the name. So, there’s that.”
We were unable to speak with the winner of this award. Rumors are that they are busy working on a song about how it’s super hot for women to cover their ankles before not being allowed to speak at their non-affirming fundagelical church.
(This article, unlike 99.9% of what The Babylon Bee puts out, is good satire.)
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