6 Tips On How Married Christians Can Embrace Single Adults

2. Recognize that as a married person, you are privileged. 

Married people run the Christian world. For example,

• Since many pastors, board members, and organizational leaders are married, the married perspective is well-represented in the Church in ways that the single perspective is not.
• Married people are much more likely to get hired as pastors.
• A quick search at Amazon.com reveals that for every 1 Christian book on singleness, there are 298 Christian books on marriage.
• Just for getting married, friends and family members buy married people expensive gifts like Kitchen Aid mixers (a mark of privilege if there ever was one).
• Marriage is the norm, the gold standard. If you don’t adhere to it, people ask questions. Case in point: I’m out-and-about in the Christian world a lot these days. As a result, I meet new people all of the time. The fact that we’ve just met doesn’t stop Christians from asking me why I’m not married. Out of the blue, and with a quizzical look, they’re like, “How come you’re not married?” It’s my most frequently asked question. Seriously.

When married people recognize their privilege, they can work to restore balance by:

• Listening well
• Being an advocate and raising questions (e.g., How can we make our “family camp” relevant and inclusive for singles?)
• Inviting single people to the table (hiring, boards, preaching, conference speakers, etc.)
• Making sure that issues that are pertinent to singles are raised in meetings, from the pulpit, while vision casting, at retreats, at conferences, etc.
• Reframing policy, values, and expectations so that married people are no longer the gold standard.