“It’s Okay To Let Someone Go…”

Photo credit to labirdiephotography.com

A friend once told me I say the phrase “it’s ok” a lot. As a person who communicates for a living, I can’t say I’m proud that “it’s ok” is my catchphrase of sorts, but it fits so perfectly, and describes so eloquently how to handle big changes in your life.

Just when you think life will always be one way, it changes abruptly, without welcome.

There are stories in my past that I’ve often said are not mine to share, but their impact on me has been palpable. It was two years ago when my phone rang and I had to, for the first time, grapple with accepting the truth that it’s OK to let someone go. After being friends for well over a decade, I had to close one of my favorite books and file it on the highest shelf to begin collecting dust and never be read again. I had said things, he had said things, our actions had deeply hurt the other and it only made sense to let go. After two years of constantly wrestling with the “what ifs?” the only words I’ve found hope or consolation in were “it’s ok to let someone go”.

Nothing is as difficult as watching someone you love hurt because of you.

As far as I know I’ve only made three guys cry: my first boyfriend, my Dad, and my most recent dear friend. For years I’ve been holding on to hope that the damage that we caused each other, the hurt that inflicted on each other, the broken, painful, disastrous memories would somehow fade away and we could live beyond the John Mayer song Friends, Lovers or Nothing. Unfortunately, band-aids don’t cause healing, and sometimes ripping them off hurts more than the actual wound.

No matter how much it hurts now, it only hurts more the longer you hold on to the fingers already slipping from the weight of falling apart.

Somewhere out there roaming the great state of Minnesota are two phenomenal people who were the construction team behind so much of who I am;  My sense of humor, my bitter cynicism, my passionate love of good guitar tone, my understanding of puns, and my confidence that I am someone worthy of being desired.

Since the day I closed each of these precious, beloved books I’ve found myself wishing I could just say one more thing. Find a way to better convey my appreciation, my love, my overwhelming gratitude, but with communication closed it’s a little impossible. If I could say anything, I would say:

Each day I miss you. Each day I see something that reminds me of you. Each day I wish I could say I’m sorry for not letting you go sooner, for not letting us heal and grow.

Being a creature of habit and comfort causes me to hold onto broken things too long. Heck, there is a damaged pair of $4.99 scissors sitting next to me right now that I’ve had for seven years and am determined to fix. Unfortunately, I do to relationships what I am doing to these scissors: I’m not letting them go when it’s their time.

I’m learning now that sometimes you have to burn down the forest to make room for new trees.

These friendships marred by hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and an inability to confront the issues at hand have to be removed in order to let new growth in. Even though it hurts right now, the pain burns, the loneliness aches unexpectedly, and everything is a reminder of what once was, when that first little green leaf emerges from the destruction, it promises that healing is on its way. There’s a whole new book, a whole new forest just waiting for you to allow its creation.

Here’s the truth: Letting people go is never easy, but God is God of restoration and healing. He loves a good redemption and rebuilding story. Don’t be afraid. It’s ok to let someone go. Just know that there is something great just waiting to grow, for both of you.