Secret #2: It’s Not About Directions . . . It’s About RESPECT
Because of his secret fear that he doesn’t measure up, his greatest emotional need is to feel that you see him clearly and still truly respect him. But the opposite is also true: because of his secret fear that he doesn’t measure up… that he can’t figure it out on his own… it is excruciating for him to feel that you’ve observed him and found him wanting.
In my research, I discovered that respect is so hard-wired and so critical that 3 out of 4 men would rather feel unloved than disrespected. Now pair that deep emotional need with another one: it makes men feel “like a man” to conquer something – to look at a challenge (like finding his way to an unfamiliar restaurant, or putting together that new bookcase) and figure it out for himself. Especially when he has something to prove not only to himself but to the woman he wants to admire him above all else.
This sort of “ask for directions” thing might not bother him as much if it was said by anyone else. But you are not anyone else: you’re the one person in the world who knows him best. So yours are the signals his heart is most attuned to.
As one man powerfully advised during my research, “Always assume the best, and you will find it easier to show respect.” Your husband isn’t purposely trying to make you late for dinner. Respect him enough to know that he sees the clock on the dashboard and he knows what time you need to arrive.
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