Unity Buster #2: “I want to be in control”
Whether we fear losing the freedom to spend money “our way” or we fear our spouse will spend money a little too freely, many of us think we can mitigate our financial concerns by gaining control. One husband described his need for control this way: “I could never relinquish control of knowing what is going on [financially]. That terrifies me. You could find yourself in a bad situation so fast. My wife feels the same, so she has her own account too. She doesn’t want me to have control over her and vice versa.” This man and his wife explicitly see unity in marriage as terrifying because (in their minds) giving up control means allowing someone to control them and keep them in the dark.
And yet, a good marriage around money means more coordination and communication – not less! – in order to be unified around money. Unity will never mean one person having “control” over the other!
Recognize yourself in any of these habits so far? If so, realize that having your eyes opened is your first step!
So, as you celebrate Independence Day this year, consider ways that you may be a little too independent and look for ways to create more unity with your spouse. And then be sure to check out the upcoming Parts 2 and 3 of this Unity Series.
Want to know how you score in thriving in love and money? Take the free assessment now, at thriveinloveandmoney.com/assessment.
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Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard-trained social researcher and best-selling author who is sheltering-in-place in Atlanta with her husband and co-author Jeff, two teenagers who are figuring out how to do college and high school online, and two cats who are thrilled to have even more video meetings to walk in front of each day.
Shameless plug: The Feldhahns’ newest book, Thriving in Love & Money, about how to have a great relationship around money (even in a time of trial), was published right before the National Emergency was declared, and is even more essential now. You can support Shaunti’s research and team during this time by purchasing a copy for someone who needs it.
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