A heart longing, not a selfish demand
Between television, steamy movie love scenes, and the conventional wisdom of your girlfriends at work, it is easy to think that “men only care about one thing.” And once we subconsciously believe that myth, his desire for sex can frankly come across as a primal, selfish demand. After all, with everything we have to handle as a wife and mom, sometimes physical intimacy can seem like just another thing to check off the “to do” list, right? But there is so much more going on, deep in a man’s heart, that makes him reach out for you in that way. In most cases, the number one language for building a deeper connection with your husband is not spoken in words. It is shared through physical intimacy. During my research about men for For Women Only I was so surprised to learn that for most men, times of sexual intimacy are the main times when oxytocin, the “bonding hormone” is released. Those are the moments when he feels so incredibly close to you. That all-important connection is built. Don’t get me wrong—we feel that connection and bonding during intimacy, too! But we can also feel that level of closeness (even if not the same type of closeness!) when he asks us to tell him all about something that is on our mind, and then really listens and engages in meaningful conversation. So sex is not just a physical thing for men. It is one of the main ways to his heart. And as a result, building closeness in this way delivers great benefits outside the bedroom too. But for many of us, it means thinking about sex differently.
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