Going from “You” and “Me” to “We”

Unity Builder #2: Create joint ownership of finances

There is no way around it. Although the actual structure will look different for every couple, unity and oneness require complete transparency in money matters. Unless there is an extremely unusual situation like a gambling addiction (which is beyond our scope here), both partners should be fully aware of and have access to everything.

This means dismantling any systems we have put in place that pull us apart or enable mistrust, whether it is something big like prenuptial agreements or secret bank accounts, or something “little” like hidden Walmart receipts. This process takes courage but dramatically builds trust. One young husband even described how an increase in transparency in a completely different area (healing from his pornography problem) led to transparency around finances.

As we were going into counseling, I was changing into a much lower-paying job. We originally had a lot of conflict and disconnect when we made financial decisions, but because we were coming together in our marriage, we didn’t want something hidden in any area. So, we started opening up about money too. We had much less money, but much more peace of mind and happiness in our marriage. Bringing everything out of darkness has literally changed our lives.