This is a two-part blog to encourage and equip parents of teenagers. In this part 1, we share an encouraging big-picture truth. In part 2 we share strategies to help you implement it. Pass this along to a parent who needs it!
As a mom who has been launching young-adult kids into the college and career phases of life, I was delighted recently when my daughter wanted help shopping for clothes for her first “real” job. As she walked up to the cashier with her selections and presented her own debit card to pay for what she would be wearing the next day, I smiled a little inside. I thought about what a remarkable thing it has been to gradually shift, over twenty-two years, from parenting that focuses on teaching obedience and discipline, to parenting that focuses on steering and coaching teens to handle increased freedom … and now to parenting that focuses on mentoring and friendship.
Here’s the encouragement for parents who are one parenting phase behind me, with kids in high school: you can do it! Stay the course and finish this phase well rather than skipping it because it gets exhausting. If you’re like many parents in our research, you may be tired from your teenager’s constant pushing and pulling at boundaries during these increasingly independent years. It may feel as if you have an active, willful colt that wants to run and is not happy during those times when you rein them in! You may be grappling with the temptation to drop the reins of steering and enforcing boundaries for your child, become the “cool parent,” and skip straight to the “friendship” phase.
Don’t! Finish strong. There will come a day when transitioning to the friendship and mentoring phase is essential, but believe it or not, your kids themselves realize they aren’t ready for that yet! I’ll prove that to you shortly. What matters most is not that your teen now sees you as the “cool parent” because you let them do what they want. What matters most is that, in a few years, your adult child will look back and say, “You were such a great parent, and you set me up for a great life.”
Here are six action steps that will help any parent of a teenager hang in there and “finish strong,” before you hand over the reins. (The first two today, and the other four next week in Part 2.)
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In