The Good Thing About Being the Bad Guy, Part 1

Action #2: Use your authority to develop their capacity

That said, for the kids to (secretly) want your rules and enforcement, they also have to believe one very crucial thing: It has to be very clear that your authority is being exerted to help them develop their own capacity for responsibility.

All bets are off if a teenager sees their parent operating from a place of “showing them who’s boss,” or setting and enforcing rules just for the sake of having rules – rather than setting rules that they see as helping them grow in character, self-discipline, and responsibility. Showing them who is boss might have been crucial for a younger child dealing with a rebellious attitude. But by the time that child is in high school – especially by the time they are driving age – the harsh reality is that they probably can figure out how to do whatever they want to do. Whether you have rules against it or not.

It makes sense that whether your teenager submits to your leadership at a heart level is heavily influenced by whether they see you as wanting to help them become a man or woman of strength and character, and whether they see you being there for them even when they make mistakes. (There’s a lot more to that than we can cover in this post, so if you want to know more about that, we suggest you order a copy of For Parents Only or pick it up from the library, and look especially at Chapters 4 and 5.)

So. As you grapple with this truth that your high schooler secretly wants you to have the reins for a little while longer, how can you make it through these next few years well – even when you’re tempted to just give up and give in? That is what we’ll cover in Part 2.

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