Shift #1: Believe the best.
In the push and pull of stress and disappointments, it takes an extra gear to believe the pain you cause each other isn’t on purpose. I Corinthians 13:7 says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” It’s like a sandwich, with bearing and enduring as the bread, and believing and hoping as the fun ingredients in the middle.
Of course, there are situations when “bearing” or “enduring” don’t apply. If there’s abuse, then safety, boundaries, and outside help are critical. But for most garden-variety trouble spots, renewing our minds to believe the best in our spouses is a game-changer.
In the nationally-representative survey that undergirds the The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shaunti found that even in struggling relationships, 97% of spouses said they care about their mates. This means if we’re assuming our spouse doesn’t care, statistically, we’re wrong. And that means our resulting unhappiness is based on an assumption that’s also wrong.
Greg and I have found that not only does believing the best of each other’s intentions lead to greater happiness, it’s also a whole lot less work.
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