Shift #2: Close up the distance.
Do you think it’s possible to live under the same roof without living together? I’m asking for a friend.
The question sounds silly, doesn’t it? Married couples see each other every day. But it’s amazing how many pockets of isolation an average home offers if you look for them. And boy, did Greg and I look for them.
This “retreat to your corners” mentality is not good, and Shaunti’s research bears this out. Only 35% of struggling couples hang out with their spouse at least weekly, compared with 83% of very happy couples.
Our counselor got out a prescription pad and wrote “spend time together.” Greg’s a rule-follower and I never met an assignment I didn’t want an A+ on, so we set out to do our “homework.” We didn’t always talk, because we were talking a lot in counseling. Sometimes it was enough to walk across a beautifully lit bridge at sunset. Eventually we held hands. Finally conversation came. All the other good stuff didn’t take long.
As recently as last week, we hit a speedbump and rather than retreat, we set aside our individual priorities and spent the whole weekend together. We hiked, watched NBA playoffs, enjoyed live music, and stayed close. Grace is easier to show to someone you’re not avoiding.
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