Shift #4: Have fantasies.
Okay, now we’re getting to the good part, right? Fantasizing.
With facts.
I know. It’s not what you thought was coming.
For years, Greg lived under the burden of something I expected him to deliver, because it comes easy for me. But it’s difficult for him. Greg has so many stellar qualities. He’s loyal, and chivalrous, and a servant (while I was writing this blog he literally asked me if the noise would bother me if he vacuumed.) But he’s just a man.
I’ve learned to shove my unrealistic expectations aside and I think he’s done the same for me. We’ve learned to be grateful for how we do meet each other’s needs. We have, as Shaunti writes, “factual fantasies.”
Maybe some of that comes more naturally in our fifties than it did in our thirties. Life and probably God humbled our pride. Walking through fire purified things that needed to go. But once raging, fires are tough to tame. I’m glad we got help in time.
I’ll end with the fun story I promised at the beginning. When I joined Shaunti’s ministry team, one of the first things that felt “official” about the job was the arrival of a box of her books. We tore it open and Greg picked up The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, looked at me and said, “Well, it looks like we have lots of material to help us keep getting better.”
Swoon.
I didn’t have to go to Alaska to see the best in my man. He was in there the whole time.
Not everyone will join the staff of a researcher and author whose life’s work is to help relationships thrive. But everyone can pick up a book from a store or the local library. Might I recommend The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages?
There’s some good stuff in its pages. And none of it requires a Hail Mary.
Laurie Davies is a writer, speaker, lay counselor, and ministry leader in the Phoenix area. A regular Guideposts contributor and former journalist, Laurie serves as lead editor on Shaunti Feldhahn’s Atlanta-based ministry team. She loves hiking, drinking hot coffee on 115-degree days (weird, she knows), and sharing life with her husband Greg and son Morgan. You can visit Laurie on her website or follow her on Instagram or Facebook.
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