The Sneaky Solution to Finding Peace Instead of Stress (Part 2)

Action step #2: Right-size your expectations

When it comes down to it, what creates most of the unhappiness in our lives? Unmet expectations. We expect something, and if it doesn’t happen the way we want, we are disappointed, unhappy, stressed, or even grieving.

For example, imagine that we think we “should” be able to work full time and be the volleyball mom at school and cook dinner every night and keep a beautiful, restful home and give our husband all the attention he needs during a difficult season while his mother is in the hospital. But of course, we can’t accomplish all those things well all at once, so we feel guilt, frustration, or even resentment. (“I know his mom is in the hospital, but why can’t he do a better job at all the cleaning?”)

Those negative feelings don’t come from nowhere; they arise because of our expectations. But now switch the script. Imagine that instead, we expect that we are going to have to let a few things go for a few years during this season. (“I can have my tidiness standards met or I can be volleyball mom or I can cook a healthy meal every night, but I can’t do all three.”) What happens? Suddenly there’s no hook for guilt or resentment.