The consequences of a one-way approach
Is it any wonder that those who fall into that category would shy away from talking about money with their spouse? Would avoid attending the church financial management class together? Would perhaps let their spouse draft a nice, strict budget – probably without much involvement from their own point of view – and then mostly ignore it?
That’s what happened with us. Between the two of us, Jeff is more the saver and planner, and Shaunti values the ability to spend money more flexibly. For several years, our church offered free annual classes to anyone wanting help with financial planning or getting out of debt – and Jeff was beyond excited. Each year, Jeff wanted to sign up, but there was always some reason Shaunti couldn’t commit to the class: weeks full of travel, projects at work, or activities for the kids. This went on for four years. Finally, Jeff gave up and went on his own. Which, as you can imagine, wasn’t too effective in helping us manage our money as a team.
It wasn’t until years later, as we were researching Thriving in Love and Money that Jeff had a light bulb moment: He realized that the money management class would have brought out the intense side of his personality – the side that gets excited about “going all in.” And while this is not a bad thing, Shaunti can find it scary when applied to budgeting. (i.e., “Let’s eat Costco beans and franks every day for six months, and we’ll save a fortune!”) Knowing that attending a class together on budgeting would add fuel to the fire of Jeff’s love for strict goal setting, Shaunti instinctively avoided it. And we missed the opportunity for important conversations and actions as a result.
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