Truth 4: In most cases, there is a more generous explanation – and we need to look for it
When doubts and distrust are unfounded we have to head off our suspicions by looking for a more generous explanation of the person’s behavior.
Now, that said, we also need to ask God for wisdom because sometimes, the sad truth is that suspicions are indeed warranted. In those cases, the message of this blog does not apply. If your spouse has broken trust in your marriage and hasn’t dealt with it, you shouldn’t look for a more generous explanation! Instead, you need If your colleague is in fact trying to undermine you, you need allies, and a plan to overcome their traps. If someone you look to for leadership (a pastor, boss, parent) is unhealthy and making you feel bad about yourself, you need wise counsel and boundaries.
But often, our distrust is not warranted. And a willingness to look for a more generous explanation will often yield fruit.
Maybe that co-worker who left you off the meeting invite was working down a list of twenty people and skipped your name in an honest, distracted mistake.
Or that friend who’s leaving you out these days? Maybe your place in her life is firm, and she simply enjoys getting together with other friends too.
What about your spouse’s mysterious and unusual midday time off the grid? Maybe his phone battery died – and he thought about you numerous times, hoping you didn’t need to reach him for anything serious.
Maybe the worship pastor hasn’t added you to the worship team because he knows something he cannot share: He has resigned, and the incoming worship director wants to be the one to consider new people.
Here’s the bottom line: If we don’t get a grip on our suspicions, they’re going to get a grip on us. They’ll impact our marriages, friendships, work relationships, and, ultimately, our most important relationship – the one we have with God. If we consistently expect the worst in others, we are likely to slip into a pattern of believing the worst in Him, too.
Let’s flip the script.
Aubrey later discovered that because her medical procedures had become so routine, and because her husband (contrary to her suspicion) didn’t view her as high maintenance, it literally didn’t occur to him that she might need him more than usual.
It was legitimate for her to have a need for him – and even to be hurt by what happened — but her suspicions about his motives were totally unwarranted.
Let’s improve our mindsets – and our relationships – by challenging our suspicions and seeking more generous explanations instead.
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