Question #4: Are you sarcastic behind others’ backs?
Solution: Be kind behind their backs.
We’ve all been in the uncomfortable situation when Friend A talks about Friend B behind her back. Oh, Susan? She sounds better with her mouth closed.
Uncomfortable laughter ensues. Friend A thinks she got a quick win. But instead, everyone just made a mental note: if Friend A can talk that glibly about Friend B behind her back, then Friend A certainly can do it behind theirs.
You may think “I would never do that.” And maybe you wouldn’t. But ask yourself: How about sarcasm about people who seem much further removed? The school board. Your corporate head honchos. Or … people of an opposite political persuasion?
Not so easy to dismiss that one, is it?
When used behind the backs of others, sarcasm is nearly always negative and destructive. Destructive to your heart, to your listeners (who are now that much more likely to see rude behavior as funny and acceptable), and, candidly, even to our culture.
Here’s a good rule of thumb: If the other person would feel bad if they heard you say it, don’t say it. At least not in that way. Look instead for opportunities to speak positively about the person – or ways to disagree or raise hard issues with respect for the other person. What you “sacrifice” in the “quick win” department, you’ll gain in reputational respect from others.
You will very rarely lose respect by being universally kind and gracious. Being overly sarcastic may cost more than we know.
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