What Adult Children Need – And Don’t Need – From Their Parents

Action Step #1: Both respect their independence and ask, “Do you want to hear our perspective?” 

 In our informal survey and in my random interviews with young adults as I travel, I hear one theme over and over: Parents should neither hover nor back off entirely but ask their adult kids, “Do you want our advice on XYZ?”  

When asked from a sincere heart that respects the answer “no,” this question can open up conversations about all sorts of essential topics – finances, relationships, ethical dilemmas at work, life choices, and, eventually, their own parenting needs. 

One survey-taker said, “Remember, your kids are adults, but they are also still learning. Let them live independently, let them make a few mistakes, but also know that you do have a better/bigger perspective on life and your wisdom is extremely valuable, regardless of whether or not your child thinks so. But to earn their respect (and their heeding of your wisdom), you do have to establish some rapport/friendship with them.”