What Every Empty Nest Parent Needs to Know (Part 3)

Are you adjusting to an empty nest? This series will help! Part 1 and Part 2 offer parenting strategies for strong relationships with your adult kids. In part 3 we examine how to strengthen your marriage in this new season. (Stay tuned for a follow-up later this fall, when we’ll reveal what our adult kids say they need from us, courtesy of a brand-new short survey!)

When our daughter was in school, we had lots of friends among the other “volleyball parents.” We spent countless hours sitting together on uncomfortable bleachers, driving to games, and grabbing meals at odd hours. We shared a lot of life, struggles, heartache, and joy.

A few of those friends also went to our church. We had a broader relationship. We saw them at other times and did other things together. Our relationship was not defined by volleyball or the kids.

Guess which friends are still close friends now that the kids have graduated and are no longer the center of our relationship?

And guess what the lesson is, for all of us married couples whose kids have graduated and are not at the “center” of our relationship?

We’ve known the formula all along: God first. Marriage second. Kids third. But somewhere between our children’s’ thumb-sucking and boundary-bucking years, many parents slip into a pattern of putting the kids front and center. And that slippage is totally understandable since time with them is often front and center: carpools, sports, theater shows, late-night science projects, advice for the first love (and the first breakup). So much time has been spent shaping our kids’ faith, values, and character.

Then suddenly they move out. They have their own lives. Even for couples who prioritized each other over time, there’s a tendency to look at each other and go, “Wait, who are you again?”

Whether you feel like you’ve drifted from your spouse, or are just looking to jumpstart this new season, these three action steps will help you rediscover the fulness of married life with a best friend beside you in that empty nest.