Simple Superpowers Series, Part 2: What “little things” make the biggest difference in our relationships? Researchers have identified actions that have an outsized impact for human flourishing. We call these the simple superpowers. Last week we looked at gratitude. Today’s Part 2 focuses on curiosity.
Conversation around my kitchen table can range from family life, to research findings, to unicorn whales.
Yes, you read that correctly. Listen in to what Jeff said recently over our morning coffee:
“I was reading this article about the unicorn whales in the Arctic …,” he began.
“About what?” I interrupted.
“About narwhals,” he said. “You know, the narwhal? The whale that has that long unicorn horn.”
I think I told him to stop pulling my leg and I returned to what I was reading.
“I’m not messing with you,” he said, pulling up photos. And suddenly I had a dozen questions. How could I get to be in my fifties and only now discover there’s a real-life unicorn whale that weighs 4,000 pounds and has a tusk (actually an elongated tooth!) that juts 10 feet from its head?
You might be wondering what this has to do with marriage. Here it is:
Curiosity is a superpower.
This little-recognized superpower can change everything in your marriage.
Imagine for a moment that you are on a cruise in the frozen north. Also imagine that, like me, you have no idea that this narwhal creature exists. You’re walking the deck, minding your own business, when all of a sudden you see a long horn breach the surface, attached to a giant sea creature!! You’d have a ton of questions:
- Wait! What did I just see?
- What was that thing?
- Was that some kind of tusk or was that just ocean debris?
You’d frantically call over your spouse, friends, or anyone to explain what you thought you saw. Your eyes would stay fixed on the water’s surface, hoping for another glimpse. You’d have your phone camera ready. You’d ask a ship steward what on earth that was.
In other words: Because you saw something from under the surface that was visible for a moment, you were instantly curious.
That exact same sense of curiosity is essential for creating and growing great relationships.
The problem is, we often lose that curiosity about the under-the-surface things in our spouse (or our kids, or friends …). If we can recapture it, we have seen in the data that it leads to deepened trust, safety, and intimacy. Here are three steps to doing so.
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