What a Unicorn Whale Can Teach Us About Marriage

Action step #3: Practice curiosity. Every. Single. Day.  

This is where curiosity goes from being merely “helpful,” to being a true superpower for relationships. Seriously. Try this for a few weeks and you will see a huge difference. 

Every day ask yourself, “What is one thing I can learn about my spouse today?” What is she nervous about at work? What is he looking forward to next weekend? What is a dream, worry, annoyance, or delight that happened this week that you were simply unaware of?  

Set out with a sense of curiosity. After all, we will never know all there is to know about our spouse – in part because we are always changing. Think about it: are you the same person your spouse married? Nope! There is always something to learn.  

Try genuine, open-ended questions, like:  

• Tell me more about why this matters to you.  
• I’d love to hear your thoughts about ______.  

• What was the best part of your day? 
• If I could do one thing for you today, what would it be?  

Read together – and talk about what you find. Yes, she may read novels and he may like articles about, oh I don’t know, ecosystems of the arctic. But reading something together can invite discovery of things you didn’t know. (Bonus tip: In our research for Secrets of Sex & Marriage, we found that spouses who report their partners as curious are three times more likely to have sex once a week or more. If you’re, ahem, curious about those findings, this is a good book to read together!) 

How do you stay curious? I’d love to hear from you in the comments! In the meantime, come back next week as we examine the third superpower to help your relationships thrive. 

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