Action #4: Set aside two “buckets” of money so that each spouse can indulge their own expectations.
One of the most fascinating findings from the Thriving in Love & Money research was the importance of jointly designating a monthly amount that each spouse can use in whatever way they want, no questions asked. Couples who did that were far happier in their relationship.
In the case we’ve been discussing, this would give Joseph the flexibility to buy certain things when he wants to, and it would give Amanda the ability to pay off her car earlier, or stash extra away in an emergency savings account.
It would, in other words, give each of them the opportunity to indulge their own expectations, without getting hung up on the other person’s.
There is no “one right way” to manage money, which is why our money expectations are often so different. But because money gets at many issues of the heart – what we value, why we view competing priorities the way we do, what are our fears and dreams – it is a great opportunity for connection at a heart level. As long as we expect the differences and communicate about the matters of the heart, money can truly change to being a source of intimacy in our marriage.
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