6 Steps to Change Your Marriage For the Better (Part 1)

Step #2: Do the little “pro” habits consistently.

Often, in marriage, we look for a magic bullet that will solve everything. When I was working on Find Hope, my staff director’s pastor, Mo Huggins, reminded me of something profound:

“It is not about doing the amazing things occasionally,

but the simple things consistently.”

My research for The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages bears this out. In fact, it’s where the tag phrase for our entire ministry was born: we are all about the little things that make a big difference.

Regular blog readers will already be aware of some of the most simple but powerful actions that will help you pull this off. But I’m repeating two powerhouse actions here, for men and women who haven’t heard them yet:

• Wives: Look for things your man does and sincerely say “thank you.” Even better, say you “did a great job at ______.” Statistically, this is a powerhouse emotional statement for most men.

• Husbands: Do little things during the day that tell your wife you love her. For example, take your wife’s hand when you’re walking into the restaurant. Or text her just because you’re thinking about her. Statistically, this is a powerhouse emotional statement for most women.

If the above examples don’t apply to you and your spouse, find what does and be intentional about those statements and actions.

As my husband Jeff and I often say from the stage, we have to remember that it’s usually not the big-ticket issues that cause either the wonderful opportunities or the hard heartache in marriage: it’s the little day-to-day decisions. Jeff and I always see lightbulbs of hope come on when we share this with couples at marriage events.

(If Jeff and I could serve your church or area marriage ministry at an upcoming event, please call my speaking agent Nicole Owens. We’d be so honored to encourage your couples!)