Shift #3: Realize, you have annoying traits (and bad habits) too – and extend grace.
I recently heard Laurie Davies, my senior editor and an amazing women’s speaker, ask an audience how well they forgive other people, zero being not well (they hold grudges) and 10 being they forgive very easily. Some eager beavers could be heard excitedly calling out “6” or “7.”
Then she asked the audience what number they would like to be forgiven at.
An audible groan rippled through the crowd.
You can see where this is going. Our spouse, kids, parents or friends aren’t the only ones with annoying and possibly even detrimental habits. We have bad patterns, too.
Jesus tells us to do to others as we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12). So, in times of contention, what do we most want from our spouse? (Or adult child, or best friend?) I can almost guarantee it is grace. Forgiveness level 10. Getting the benefit of the doubt. (I’m not talking about life-endangering, illegal, or abusive patterns here. Those don’t require grace. They require professional help.)
If there is angst and frustration, and you don’t want that angst and frustration, perhaps it is time to try a different strategy and be willing to have grace with those day-to-day things.
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