Shift #4: Honor what is, rather than fixating on what isn’t
Years ago, I worked with a high-level colleague who had the ability to hit the “drive me nuts” button quicker than almost anyone else. When discussing something about a particular project that, in my judgment, definitely needed to change, this person would condescendingly say things like, “Why don’t you let the professionals do their job?”
Picture steam coming out of my ears.
I tried respectfully addressing the issue multiple times, to no avail. This person had a view of what their role was, and what my role was, and nothing was going to change it.
In the end, though, a curious thing happened. I worked with this person for almost five years, and when they left their job for other things, I was so bummed.
What changed between year one and year five?
I did.
I realized that this person was actually a huge champion for me and my research in some areas that really mattered. Despite how it sounded at times (!) this person respected me and fought for things that would help me do what I felt called to do. I started being so grateful for what this person brought to the table, that I stopped being triggered by the other things as much.
We ended up having a great working relationship. Once I accepted that this person probably would not change (which they didn’t!) I was able to appreciate what was. I would have completely missed years of great opportunity if I had been fixated on what wasn’t.
This step is what allows us to move forward with a good attitude and even enjoyment, in the face of something that not too long ago would have driven us crazy.
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