A final note for trauma survivors: Be gentle with yourself in this process
Before we close today I want to offer an important thought for trauma survivors. Sometimes, learned helplessness stems not from giving into a simple temptation to be self-focused, but from substantial wounds and difficult, prolonged life cues. For example, perhaps as a young child you had parents who didn’t or couldn’t give you what you needed despite your cries for help. You might have “learned” that your needs were not worth meeting.
They are.
I wish that hadn’t been the message you received. If that is you, please know how sorry I am that you went through what you went through. My heart hurts at the image of you as a child, truly being helpless in the face of pain.
If that dynamic rings true in your life, be gentle with yourself as you begin to think through the ways you, as an adult, have given into a sense of helplessness. While it’s understandable, it also happens to be amplifying one type of pain (the difficulty) with another (the inaccurate sense of helplessness).
So my prayer for you is that this process will help you begin to patiently and courageously identify and disarm the “I am helpless” lies that may have crept in to your heart over time. If you have felt helpless in an abusive relationship of some kind, I hope you will begin to see that even in the very worst of situations, relief and support are always available. Consider seeing a counselor who truly understands trauma and who can help you move forward well.
Come back next week for the final part of this series, where I’ll unpack the last four strategies for how to leave learned helplessness behind.
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