Say this: “We’re on the same side!”
Not that: “I can’t believe you thought ____ about me!”
This “same side” phrase comes in handy if you tend to get defensive. I’m reminded of a woman who approached me at a speaking event years ago and confessed that defend and deflect were her strategies early in her marriage. Her husband always felt helpless to keep their conversations from spiraling downward. Finally, in one heated discussion, he blurted out: “We’re on the same side!”
The moment was so significant, she even remembers what she was wearing.
“I didn’t realize I was so defensive all the time,” she confessed.
If you or your spouse turn to defensiveness, this is a key predictor that your marriage is headed for trouble. You can change the trajectory! I highly recommend reading our popular two-part blog series from last year, “7 Steps to Keep Defensiveness From Ruining Our Relationships.”
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