Expectation #1: We’re going to have an always-on sex life
His bold assumption: Now that we’re married—especially if we waited for marriage to have sex—she’s going to want me sexually all the time.
Reality: “The sex shop isn’t open 24/7.” This was the hilarious observation of my co-host Brian Goins on a Married With Benefits podcast episode that aired last summer. In fact, he went on to say that he learned early in marriage that sex “is more like an old-time bank, where the shop closes down a lot sooner than you think. There are unexpected holidays. The bank teller has a headache….” Hilarious? Maybe. True? Probably. (That said, 24% of women in our Secrets of Sex & Marriage research were the “higher desire” partner and the ones wanting the sex shop to be open more!)
What to do: Be honest about where your expectations are coming from. Just as we nudged women to understand last week that, contrary to rom-coms, guys aren’t inherently wired to draw you into a warm embrace in the heat of conflict, guys may have drawn false expectations about sex from pornography, locker rooms or pretty much any movie that depicts the lead-up to an intimate moment. As Brian observed on our podcast, before you question your spouse, question where you’re getting your expectation from.
I don’t want to be a commercial here, but I really encourage young couples to pick up a copy of Secrets of Sex & Marriage. I can’t tell you how much heartache couples could avoid if they learned their sexual desire type early in marriage. (And if you don’t know what we mean by “desire type,” you need to!)
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