Dear God, Thank You for the Internet

Dear God, Thank You for the Internet May 23, 2014

There are days when I am so grateful that the internet exists. Things like this make it worth sifting through the stupid.

Here are my favorites from the Estately post:

FLORIDA: Alligator Wrestling / Botox / Eyebrow Piercing / Hulk Hogan / Juviderm / Lice / Mazda Miata / MDMA / Obamacare / Stand Your Ground / Swingers / Viagra / What is sarcasm?

Analysis: The only thing surprising about Florida’s search history is that it wasn’t even weirder.

MISSISSIPPI: Candy Crush / Codeine / Dog Fighting / Lose Weight / Making Crack / Tupac Is Alive / Twerking / What is Instagram?

Analysis: What happens in Mississippi stays in Mississippi, and it’s definitely for the best that Mississippi doesn’t know how to post photos of it on Instagram.

MISSOURI: Family Circus (comic) / Nelly (rapper)

Analysis: Missouri’s wifi must have gone out sometime in 2002

TEXAS: Are dinosaurs real? / Are zombies real? / The Bill of Rights / Boogers / Calf Implants / Can dogs talk? / Chupacrabra / Curves International (company) / Do I have herpes? / Does beer make you fat? / Government Mind Control / How to cook meth? / How to sell your soul to the Devil? / Justin Bieber (singer) / Krunk / Meth Recipes / Porn / Purple Drank / Rodeo / Snake Bites / Tacos

Analysis: Texas asks a lot of questions, has a worrisome level of interest in crystal meth, and probably a sore that should be looked at by doctor, but the Lone Star State also has a boatload of tacos. So many delicious tacos

OREGON: Allah / Sex / Spork

Analysis: Somebody needs to go and check on Oregon.

DELAWARE: Delaware, Joe Biden, What Is Delaware?

Analysis: Delaware is the only state that’s aware of Delaware.

Speaking as a former Texan and a present Floridian, I have to say yes and yes to both of those analyses. But to be honest, my absolute favorite is Delaware. It’s so meta. Who are we? What is this place? Are we even here?

It’s kind of sad that Delaware’s existential crisis is being carried out via Google, though, but you know. So is mine.

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment