I can be really good at relationships. And not. There are times when I am able to be present for people in my life. I am able to listen, to help, and to step back when needed.
And there are times when I hold all of my anger back or lie to keep the peace. Or I say something that I shouldn’t because I didn’t think it through, didn’t ground myself, didn’t stop to consider there was more than one side.
But what about relationships and connections with the godds? Am I always showing up the way I should? Or the way I think I should? Or the way I promised to show up?
Should the relationships with the godds be ‘better’ than those with my human friends?
How You Do One Thing is How You Do Everything…?
I was in a class the other day when my teacher talked about looking at the way we relate to the godds and how that compares to how we relate to the people in our lives. Now, I can tell you that this didn’t land as a big thing at first. After all, I’m not making altars to my friends (sorry) and I’m not bringing them flowers or offerings everyday (not sorry).
But what hit me was this: sometimes I don’t treat the godds well. Sometimes, I ignore what they’ve asked for. Sometimes, I promise something and do something else. Or make excuses.
Sometimes, I let altars or practices get untidy and I look at what needs to be done and I head to something else in my life. Something else that is more fun, more exciting, less work.
Relationships are work, though. Give and take. Compromise and sacrifice. I know these are sharper words and there are plenty of ways we might argue for relationships being about everyone getting what they want. But it’s not true. If I have a commitment to spend time with X godd, then I don’t have that time to spend with a partner or another magickal practice.
If I decide to spent all of my time watching Netflix with my partner, I don’t spend the time in devotion to a godd.
Sacred Agreements & NegotiationsThe more I thought on the idea of relationships, the more I realized how I could make stronger agreements. (And that I could keep the ones I already had in place but let….lapse. Sometimes, I forgot. Sometimes I ignored completely for some other shiny thing.)
- Space & listening
- Conflict Management
- Self care
I agree to spend time with you. If it is not enough time, we will talk about it and find ways to come to a new agreement.
I agree to listen as much as I talk, and sometimes to listen more than speaking.
I agree to speak to the things that anger me and to speak up for my needs.
I agree to tell you the truth. All of it. Even the parts that embarrass me or ignite a shame slump. I do what I say I will do.
I agree to care for myself and to honor myself. I agree to meet my own needs and to resource for myself when you are unable to meet requests from me.
We follow these agreements and note when they’re not being followed. We engage in honest dialogue about what happened, what could have happened, and what will happen in the future.
I am not aiming for perfect. I am also not aiming for supplication. I am aiming for connection, for a relationship that shows up for itself, for those involved who show up for each other, and for both to feel met.
(I use godds instead of gods because I want to invite in a more genderfull experience.)