Ever since I started talking about my ADHD diagnosis, I’ve gotten a number of messages and questions about how medications have impacted my magickal practice. And while I’ve started to discuss some of my initial thoughts, I wanted to go a little bit deeper into working with godds.
To be clear, I’m a big fan of medications. Science has done wonders for me, including various diagnoses I have and have had, etc.
(If you are anti-medication and want to argue, please leave now or proceed with an open mind.)
And even with that said, I don’t think medications are for everyone. You and your doctor can collaborate on that.
Okay, back to the point. And it’s a process to unpack this, so I’m doing it slowly and carefully, but also in the moment instead of waiting for a final, neat answer.
On Working with the Godds**
I’ve talked a lot about relationships, building them with ourselves and the godds. In my experience, there are similarities to how to build strong friendships with humans (though I have yet to build an altar to a friend.)
When I first got my diagnosis, I researched what ADHD might impact in my life. I knew how it impacted me: chronic, shaming overwhelm. I knew I was always procrastinating, saying yes to too many things, and losing my cool during stressful times.
What I didn’t know was how ADHD can impact relationships. Oh. That made sense. As someone who can get REALLY focused on my writing, to the downfall of all others, it makes sense that relationships would suffer. I prioritize other things because they are new and shiny.
And long-term relationships and friendships are, well, not. They have rhythms and consistency most of the time. They have the things ‘we do’ and the ways ‘we are.’ These relationships are no less important to me, but they are lower in the dopamine I’ve been missing.
So, I’ve turned to new things, always new things. Or to old things, but make them harder, more intense, do them in shorter periods of time with less preparation. Or freak the F out about things that never used to bother me. Because emotional regulation is HARD when your brain is depleted and sore from trying to stimulate itself.
While I’m new to my diagnosis, here’s where I am with my deity relationships:
- I’m going through a period of shame in waking up to how I haven’t been as attentive or active as I like and want to be.
- I am rebuilding relationships with small steps, with more attention, with more thoughtfulness.
- I am considering all of the deity relationships I have and if they are still serving me. Can I be in productive relationships with all of them? Do I need to step back from some? Do I need to put some to rest?
The thing is I don’t feel the relationships are strained, but I also haven’t felt that with humans who I know my diagnosis has impacted.
So, I need to work through some grief first, and step back in ways that are sustainable. Small steps, me. They all lead to the home these godds have offered to you.
What Medication Has Done (and What I Need to Do)
I’ve been on medication for almost four months, enough time to have a sense of how things might work for me now. During this time, I have taught classes and written books. I’ve done my own personal work and I’ve had some health challenges.
I still feel the godds in my life. I know when Aphrodite is there — and not. I know when Iris asks me to say things and to write things. I recognize Hecate when I’m lying on a bathroom floor in pain, and she reminds me that I am a powerful being.
The godds have never left. If anything, I can hear them more clearly. I trust what I hear and what I experience. The channel is wider.
But I need to participate too.
- Attention to the godds
- Altars of offerings and intentions
- Ongoing reviews of relationships, what’s working and what’s not
- Acting on what I learn, making shifts
There’s a lot more to it than this. I also need to support this human by taking care of my body. I need to stop/slow the patterns that kept me focused in the past. Less input from screens is the big one. I need to trust that I can be bored and still.
I need to slow down. Like I always tell everyone else to do.
I need to follow my own advice that I’ve laid out in books, blogs, and workshops.
Because if there’s one thing that appears to be a part of my neurodivergence, it’s this: I know a lot. I just don’t always remember it quickly. It’s stored somewhere, but I can’t always find the location at a certain moment.
ADHD is continuing to be a teacher, a container, and a head turn. It doesn’t answer all of my questions about why I am the way I am, but it does bring me back to focusing on what I could be now.
**I use ‘godds’ to offer a more gender-expansive word for deities, as I feel they are beyond gender and definition. At the same time, I do use ‘She,’ for example when referring to Aphrodite because that makes sense to me in how I know Her. But I also think Aphrodite is beyond gender. I first heard this term from Urania, one of my first mentors and now dear friend.
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