If the Don Were Pope

First, he really said this:

And second, syncophants nearly wet themselves tweeting what a fantastic idea this was.

I screenshot this but feel unclean for having seen it at all.

So, President Donald Trump mentioned he wouldn’t mind being named Pope. Leaving aside the abolute hell no gag reflex, (and it isn’t easy), this is comedy gold. So I will started brainstorming things the Don would do if elected to the papacy, tongue planted firmly in cheekiness.
THINGS PRESIDENT TRUMP WOULD DO IF ELECTED POPE…

Having not been Catholic, but liking the idea of being Universal, and being infallible, with my big beautiful brain, I will be merging my Papal and Presidential Powers, kind of like how those five robot lions merge together in Voltron.

First, I know the Conclave is rigged because if it weren’t, I would already be named to the papacy. Everybody knows that.  Do you see any smoke rising?  No you don’t.  Conclusive proof.

Also, I would do a major remodeling of the Vatican –that Sistine Chapel Ceiling, would be so much more BEAUTIFUL, AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL if we redid the faces with my BEAUTIFUL FACE.  Wow, That’s Beautiful. Look at that. Looks just like me.

Vatican Crypto would be available for those souls who want to invest in eternity.

Saint Peter’s Square doesn’t have enough gold on it, not nearly enough.  We need so we would be guilding every statue, column, the whole Vatican exterior, and interior.   Every square inch, covered in gold.  I have the best ideas when I’m looking at gold.

Also, Vatican City, it should really cover all of not just Rome, but all of Italy, and so by fiat, Papal decree, and Executive Order, we’d get a foothold on Europe as the 52nd state, after Canada.

Next, I do love the beautiful Swiss Guards, love that they’re here to protect, and emphasize the importance of me, so all future Swiss Guards will be tall blonde beautiful women in Swiss Guard styled Hooter outfits.

As Pope, I would have beautiful gold rings, not just one, but one for every finger, so I could make sure people showed proper respect for my person.  And invite Sleepy Joe over for a visit.  And Zelensky.

As Pope, now I would offer special one time indulgences available for purchase online, or at the giftshop, at a mere 5 million dollars a piece with my seal on it, just like citizenship.

Pope is a job for life, so I will be devoting all research from all sources in the US, and any other place we have authority over –towards the preserving of my life for all eternity.  Can you imagine?  A forever ME.

And finally, I Donald, would have to take on a new name as Pope –so I would become Pope Donald Trump the First Great, Greatest of the Great, not to be confused with any other lesser popes who were already given the title of Great.

I have probably earned a few decades in Purgatory.