LEAWOOD KS, – A local Christian man named Jonathan Willis is so determined not to miss any of the Olympic action that he has convinced his family, friends and church that he can watch the women’s beach volleyball competition without inappropriate thoughts.
“Perhaps a weaker brother may succumb to staring at the girls in bikinis and forget about what really matters, I only care about the games. That’s why I watch” stated Mr. Willis. “I am all about Team USA! I live for the action and have followed these girls’ careers for decades. My favorite is uh, what’s her name there…Angela…?”
To help make sure he doesn’t stumble Mr. Willis has reportedly spent at least 2 afternoons a week, for the past year, at his local fitness club staring at yoga classes and women’s volleyball games. He says the time is spent training his eyes to focus on the event and not the women. Yet, despite the rigorous “training” not all are convinced his intentions are pure.
“Listen, I know some call me a liar. But, I prefer to call myself a Super-Christian. Frankly, my wife is lucky to have me. I am a true American.” remarked Jonathan Willis when responding to some of the criticisms. “Think of me as a Christian feminist, and I totally don’t objectify women by adhering to the cultural appropriate expression of sexual modesty.”Mr. Jonathan Willis was not available to respond to anymore questioning as he said he had to get home to make sure his DVR was set. He didn’t want to miss recording any of the Game of Thrones reruns.