As a life-long Baptist, I feel completely comfortable openly admitting that we are a fun and easy group to make fun of. Everyone has to take some time to laugh at themselves, right? In this list, I have compiled a few key things that seem to be widely loved among Baptist believers. Whether you attend a large mainstream Southern Baptist church or a small country General Baptist church, I think you’ll find something familiar!
1. Potlucks
Baptists will find any occasion to have a potluck. Baby dedications, baptisms, new members, birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc. The real mark of a healthy Baptist church is the number of potlucks in a given year.
2. Charles Spurgeon
Spurgeon is the greatest Baptist who ever lived. I’m not saying his words are canonical, but for many Baptists, disagreeing with Spurgeon is almost as bad as disagreeing with the Bible.
3. Not Liking Alcohol
You know who you are.
4. Secretly Liking Alcohol
Most Baptists in this camp will tell you that if you want to exercise your Christian liberty, at least have good taste. Drunkenness is a sin, but so is drinking Budweiser.
5. Curmudgeon-ey Pastors (John MacArthur)
The New Calvinists like him because of his theology, and everyone else likes him because he hates the New Calvinists.
6. The King James Bible
The perfect word of God…at least until 1798 when it was revised, now it’s perfect-er. If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for the Baptists.
7. Trendy Worship Leaders
Let’s get someone who can get our eyes closed and our hands raised, all while wearing skinny jeans with a beard.
8. Being Almost Pentecostal
Hands raised, altar calls, and dim lights. Let’s get as close as we can without actually becoming them.
9. Being Uncomfortable Around Pentecostals
Look at them, over there with their light shows and their electric violins. If I want to see a concert in church, I’ll just wait for The Gaithers to come to town, thank you very much!
10. Mainstream Christian Literature with Bad Theology
If you have Jesus Calling, Heaven is for Real, or anything by Mark Batterson or Joyce Meyer on your shelf, this may be you.
11. Not Knowing Why You’re a Baptist
Baptists love not really knowing what makes them Baptists. Something about baptism and crock-pots, I think.
12. Elderly Prayer Warriors
Let’s be honest, these ladies are the backbone of your church. Satan’s got nothing on them because they are constantly praying away the spiritual forces that makes things fall apart every Sunday. If everything ran smoothly during your last service and Johnny got the job he was hoping for, you know exactly who to thank.
13. Being in the World, not of it
Yeah, you can listen to Rock ‘n’ Roll, but it has to be Newsboys.
14. Having a Youth Group just Because
We have only three teenagers…sure that’s enough!
15. Committees
We all know this is true and we all hate it. Even while you are sitting here reading this you are probably late for a committee meeting to discuss how many KJV Bibles you want to hand out at the next Newsboys youth pot-luck.
16. Sitting in the Back Row
You think sitting in the back hides you from texting? The pastor knows you aren’t using your Bible app. He always knows.
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