Seeking Silence: An Interview With Kevin M. Johnson

Rosman: How does one combine Silence with parenting? I’m curious for selfish reasons.

Johnson: This question hits home for me. I have three children and a wife and large German Shepherd who all want my time, attention, love etc. How to do Silence in the setting of a family? This is the type of thing The Inner Room tries to offer: Ways to practice silent/contemplative prayer in lay settings. Many think of silence as a literal exterior silence. No sound. No talking.

But I am hoping, my answers points out the limits of that. Contemplation is much more than not talking. It is also not trying to stop thinking, which is impossible. Contemplation/Silence is a shifting of attention away from myself and my concerns to a way of being lovingly present to what is here in front of us. It is a receptive way of being. In the beginning, periods of alone and exterior silence helps as one first clarifies their intentions when dealing with the distractions in their mind. The early desert Fathers and Mothers noticed that as they tried turn to God, they were overcome with thoughts and they found that there were eight major thoughts that took their attention away from being receptive to God. It is those eight thoughts that slowly over the years became re-worked and known as the seven deadly sins. It is these eight deadly thoughts that are discussed by Evagrius Ponticus and John Cassian. A more recent book Thoughts Matter deals with the 8 thoughts that first arise as one turns to Silence for those who are interested in exploring this a bit in the context of actual prayer practice. So in the beginning, spending time alone in exterior silence is a necessary practice and to do it consistently every day. One hears this in various circles that teach meditation or contemplation.

But Silence can also be accessed in the use of imaginative prayer as Jesuits teach. Silence also lies underneath the repetitive prayers like the Jesus Prayer described in the classic book The Way of a Pilgrim or the repetitive prayers of the rosary.

What I tell people who have kids that there are many ways to add Silence to parenting. I suggest some of the things I do personally. Reduce TV or internet time. For those who commute by car, that can be a period without a radio on. If people have to rock infants to sleep their holding of the child can be a moment of quiet prayer, resting in the body, feeling the child in their arms. Visualization practices help. Imagining God sending love to the child through you or even better, imagining God sending love to you through the child. Walks with strollers, playing on the swings become moments of deep attention to the child.

Any time one can give one’s total attention to the thing at hand without letting ourselves be distracted is a step toward beholding and participating in the self-giving love that holds all in existence without distraction. As Simone Weil said in Waiting for God, “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” And as she said in Gravity and Grace,”Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer.” And we can miss it in a culture that pushes in a different direction. But this unmixed attention, this Silence, is already right here. We just have to let it in.

You might also want to take a look at the convenient TOP10 booklist, The Spell of Sensuous Silence, that features the titles mentioned in this post.