3 things I wish husbands would admit to their wives

3. “I love you and I’m so attracted to you, but my eyes and my thoughts are often drawn away by the images of other women I see almost everywhere I look. I’m terrified of a moment of weakness where I might do something stupid to hurt you or hurt our marriage, but I’m also terrified to admit that I struggle with lust because I’m afraid it would hurt you or make you feel insecure in my love for you.”

Even if a man is 100% committed to his wife and madly in love with her; he will still struggle with issues of lust. In our society, you can’t walk through a shopping mall or scroll through an Instagram feed without seeing images objectifying women. He can avoid porn, close his eyes during TV sex scenes and and he can do everything in his power to guard his eyes and his thoughts, but he will have moments when his thoughts wander to into the minefield of lust. He’s terrified to admit it to you, because he wants you to know that his heart is wholly yours. He wishes he didn’t have this struggle and he also wishes he could talk to you about it, but he doesn’t know how. For more on understanding the mental wiring that makes the male brain susceptible to this perpetual struggle (men average a sexual thought more than once per minute every waking hour of the day), you can check out the book “Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Women Understand the Visual Nature of Women” by author and researcher Shaunti Feldhahn.

Talk about these things. As a resources to help you both open up in your communication and transparency, please carve out time to watch this 45-minute video where my wife Ashley and I give a talk called “I’m fine” because that phrase often hides our true feelings and concerns. “F.I.N.E.” often means Faking Ignoring Neglecting Evading. We share the 3 keys to deeper intimacy and communication in marriage. We hope this free video sparks helpful and healthy conversations in your marriage. Keep fighting FOR each other and not against each other.