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As you’ve probably already figured out, when God designed men and women, he made us different.
I’m going to give you ladies a rare peek into the mind of a dude. Granted, we’re all unique, and I’m not trying to make broad generalizations that all men and all women fall into specific little categories, but as I’ve talked with men from all over the world, I’ve discovered that these four principles seem to consistently hold true.
If you’re a woman reading this, I hope these insights will give you a deeper understanding for your husband and your marriage. If you’re a man reading this, be aware of these potential weak spots in your communication and strive to share these and all issues openly and honestly with your wife.
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These are four messages many men struggle to clearly communicate to their wives:
1. We’re afraid to tell you when we’re afraid.
Many of us were raised that any form of fear for a man was a sign of weakness. Rambo never got scared. Dirty Harry never got scared. We’re not supposed to get scared. Of course, those are fictional characters and real men face real emotions (including fear), but we’re usually very bad at communicating it because one of our greatest fears is that you would see us as weak.
For more on this, check out our popular post on 9 things your husband is always thinking about.
2. We often feel like we don’t measure up.
Most of us are grew up with dreams of growing up to be an astronaut or professional athlete, but most of those dreams didn’t materialize. I struggle just to make the roster of our church’s softball team! Many of us are carrying around wounds of deep-seeded failure from our past and our present and we don’t know how to communicate about them so we try to hide them instead. These insecurities can often drive us to overcompensate by throwing ourselves into our careers to find achievement and “success.”
3. We think about sex even more than you think we do.
Many of the times our minds are wandering and we seem distant, we’re thinking about sex. We wish we could free up that mental energy for more productive things, because we could probably cure cancer with the amount of mental energy that our sex drive consumes. We tend to value the sexual aspect of our relationship so much that for right or wrong, we’ll often measure the overall health of our marriage on the frequency of what’s happening in the bedroom.
For more on building stronger sexual intimacy and satisfaction in marriage, check out our new video series by clicking here.
4. You’re our best friend.
You probably have a bunch of girlfriends that you confide in, but even though we’ve got “buddies” to share our hobbies and sports conversations, it’s rare that we have a true friend who really knows our hearts. We lean on you more than you realize for companionship and true friendship.
For six practical ways to strengthen your friendship with your spouse, read this post.
To learn the secrets wives don’t tell their husbands, check out the article my wife and I wrote on The 5 Secrets Wives don’t tell their Husbands. The bottom line for both men and women is this: Work together to make communication (about these and all other issues) a priority in your marriage. Transparency and honesty always lead to intimacy.
For more tools for building a rock-solid marriage, download our new “MarriageApp” in iTunes and also check out my brand new book “The Seven Laws of Love: Essential Principles for Building Stronger Relationships.”